HOST: Toh aaj humaare saath apni raaye ka izhaar karne ke liye mojood hain Pakistan.
(Pakistan walks into the studio. He is a sixty three year old man, who has a broken leg, fractured shoulder and bandages all over his body. He comes and sits down.)
HOST: Aray aray yeh aapko kya hua? Kisi dushman ne maara kya?
PAKISTAN: Nahin. Mere bacchon ne maara mujhe.
HOST: Kya? Aapke apne bacchon ne?
PAKISTAN: Haan.
HOST: Sagay hain?
PAKISTAN: Main toh aisa hee samajhta hoon. Par woh ek doosre ko sautela samajhte hain.
HOST: Aapki haalat toh bohot kharaab hai, aapne kisi doctor ko dikhaaya?
PAKISTAN: Yeh toh sirf nazar aane waale zakhm hain, mere toh dil mein roz mere bacche churiaan chalaate hain.
HOST: Aapko yeh sab hua kaise?
PAKISTAN: Meri taang firqawarana nafraton ki aag se jalgayi, mera haath pathaan mahajir fisaad mein katgaya, aise mein dushman ne dekha ke mere apne hee mere nahin toh usne bhi faeda uthaaya. Doosre haath par khanjar mere dushman ne chalaaya. Par phir bhi mere kisi bacche ko farq nahin pada. Sab usi tarah ladne mein masroof thay aur ab bhi hain.
HOST: Aap nahaaye kab thay?
PAKISTAN: Roz nahaata hoon. Apne hee bacchon ke khoon se. Kisi din bees logon ke khoon se, kabhi pacchis, kabhi tees aur kabhi kabhi toh acchi tarah nahaata hoon jab sau daidh sau logon ka khoon miljaata hai.
HOST: Toh kahan rehte hain aap?
PAKISTAN: Main? Aadha yahan rehta hoon aur aadha Hindustan ke us paar.
HOST: Yaani Bangaldesh mein?
PAKISTAN: Bangladesh woh tum logon ke liye hoga, mere liye toh woh mera hee hissa hai.
HOST: Toh yahan kaise aana hua?
PAKISTAN: Masjid mein namaz padhraha tha toh dekha ke do firqon ke log namaz padhne ke andaaz ko lekar ek doosre se ladrahe thay. Ek haath baandhne ko sahi bataaraha tha doosra haath kholne ko. Itne mein donon ne haath uthaaliye aur do logon ka jhagda firqawarna fisaad mein tabdeel hogaya.
HOST: Aapne kya kiya?
PAKISTAN: Main kuch karne ka qaabil kahan raha hoon? Bas wohi kiya joh humesha karta hoon. Aansoo bahaaye maine.
HOST: Kuch log kehte hain ke aapko banaakar ghalti ki. Kya yeh sach hai?
PAKISTAN: Aise logon ko unke maa baap ne banaakar ghalti ki. Agar main naa banta toh tum satrah crore musalmaanon ka kya hota?
HOST: Musalmaan? Musalmaan yaani konse musalmaan?
PAKISTAN: Kya matlab?
HOST: Musalmaan yaani sunni ya shia?
PAKISTAN: Donon hee musalmaan hain.
HOST: Acha? Khair, waise yeh joh pathaanon aur mahaajiron ka phadda hai ismein qasoor kiska hai? Pathaanon ka ya mahajiron ka?
PAKISTAN: Siyasat ka. Donon beqasoor hain bas siyasat ka shikaar hain. Mahajir mere woh sabar waale bacche hain joh apna sab kuch Hindustaan mein chorhkar mere paas aaye thay aur Pathaan mere woh mehnti bacche jinhon ne humesha mere liye kaam kiya aur mujhse mohabbat ki. Aaj bhi apne gharon ko chorh chorh kar camps mein rehrahe hain kyunke unke ilaaqon mein army operation horaha hai.
HOST: Aap konsi party ko support karte hain?
PAKISTAN: Koi bhi is qaabil nahin jinka saath diya jaaye. Sab hee ghaddaar hain. Mujhse nafrat karne waale, mujhe nuqsaan pohonchaane waale, mere bacchon ko aziyat dene waale.
HOST: Log kehte hain ke Pakistan mein rehna mehfooz nahin hai. Log mulk chorhkar jaarahe hain. Kya isliye banaaya tha mulk?
PAKISTAN: Dekhiye, joh mujhe chorhkar jaaraha hai aur meri fikar nahin kar raha main uske baare mein sochkar apna waqt zaaya kyun karoon? Mere paas aaj bhi aise kaafi log hain joh mujhse mohobbat karte hain aur woh mere saath hee rahenge.
HOST: Aapki haalat kab theek hogi?
PAKISTAN: Yeh toh tum logon ke haath mein hai beta. Jis din yahan sooba, zabaan, firqa aur mazhab logon ki maut ka baayis nahin banenge us din. Jis din pathaan aur mahaajir ek saath kaam karenge, us din. Jis din shia aur sunni bila aitraaz ek doosre ko tolerance ke saath apni baat ka izhaar karne denge, us din. Jis din Ahmadion ko ghair musalmaan nahin kaha jaayega us din. Jis din do eidein nahin manaayi jaayengi, us din. Jis din jaahil maulvion ke kehne mein aakar musalmaanon ko kaafir nahin kaha jaayega, us din. Jis din ek Christian apni church, ek Hindu apne mandir aur ek Sikh apne gurdwaare jaane mein mehfooz mehsoos karega, us din. Jis din bina darr ke log kaam par jaayenge, us din.
HOST: Yeh list toh bohot lambi hai. Kab tak poori hogi?
PAKISTAN: Iska jawaab bhi tum logon ke hee paas hai.
HOST: Toh bhai aakhir aapko kya maalum hai?
PAKISTAN: Mujhe sirf itna maalum hai ke Allah ne mujhe 27th ramzaan ke din isliye takhleek nahin kiya tha ke main itni asaani se tootjaaun. Mujhe todne ki saazishein mere banne ke agle din se ki jaarahi hain par nakaam hain, mujhe khatam karne ki soch rakhne waale khud khaak bankar udgaye. Main itna jaanta hoon ke joh kuch bhi yeh siyasatdaan aur mere dushman chahte hain woh kabhi nahin hoga. Main inshallah ta qayamat aise hee qaayam o daayam rahunga, chaahe laakh musibatein aayen. Islam ke naam par takhleek kiya WAAHID mulk hoon main. Aise kaise tabaah hojaaunga?
HOST: Future mein aap kisko dekhte hain? Bilawal ko ya Monnas ko?
PAKISTAN: Main future mein apni asal aulaad ko dekhta hoon. Aur yeh meri aulaad nahin. Saare bilawalon ko unke sharaab ke glass aur saare monnason ko unki najayaz zameen mubaarak ho. Ab baari inki nahin meri asal aulaad ki hai. Bohot bhargaya swiss bank meri awaam ke khoon paseene ki kamaayi se. Aaj bhi Switzerland mein duur duur tak khoon ki bu aati hai kyunke wahan meri awaam ka paisa hai. Khoon ke badle dollar lene waalon ka waqt ab khatam. Ab hukumat awaam karegi! Ab bacche school jaayenge, ab koi ghareeb ilaaj ke paise naa hone ki waja se nahin marega, ab government protocol ki waja se ambulance mein koi buzurg dum nahin todega, ab saare naujawaanon ko mulk mein rozgaar milega. Ab sab log pehle PAKISTANI phir kuch aur honge.
HOST: Inshallah aisa hee hoga. Waise koi paighaam dena chaahenge logon ko?
PAKISTAN: Jee. Bas mujhe itna hee kehna hai ke main boodha hogaya hoon. Agar mera sahaara nahin bansakte toh kum sekam maa baap ke sahaaron ko unse matt cheeno. Bujhaado in nafraton ki aag ko ek hee baar mein. Main bhi ek aam boodha baap hoon joh sukoon se apne bacchon ke saath rehna chahta hai. Khuda ka waasta hai mujhe apna baap hone ki saza matt do. Apne behen bhaiyyon se pyaar karna seekho, aur kisi ke liye nahin toh mere liye hee. Jab bhi ek laash girti hai main khoon ke aansoo rota hoon aur yahan toh roz kayi laashein gir rahi hain. Khuda ka waasta hai ab baaz aajao. Khuda ne tumpar azaab bhejne shuruh kardiye hain, Hazrat Nuh ke qisse se sabaq seekho, badaljaao. Kyunke jab tak tum nahin badloge, yeh mulk nahin badlega. Turn to Allah before you Return to Allah.
HOST: Thank you. Toh nazreen yeh thay Pakistan joh…
(Pakistan gets up and starts walking with difficulty)
HOST: Aapko madad ke zaroorat hai toh kisi ko buladoon?
(Pakistan looks at the host and smiles)
PAKISTAN: Abhi aisa waqt nahin aaya hai aur aayega bhi nahin ke mujhe kisi aur ko bulaana pade. Allah ne mujhe banaaya hai aur Allah hee sambhaalega. Bas sambhalna ab tum logon ko hai. Kyunke mujhe kuch nahin hoga, tabaahi tum logon par aayegi agar ab bhi baaz naa aaye toh. Apna khayaal rakhna.